Hear Me Bark

I officially hate trees . . .

. . . especially when they hold my fetch ball hostage. This photo shows a scene from last weekend at the dog park. I'm adding "learn to climb trees" to my list of things to learn before I die.

Close Encounters of the Shrine Kind

I went to the dog park yesterday for a game of fetch and was disturbed to see this weird, rocky shrine smack dab in the middle of the park. Suspicious, I steered clear of it. Today, there was a second, smaller shrine just to the right of the original one.

Many questions flood my mind. Are these shrines intended for nefarious purposes? Is someone going to be sacrificed? Who built these shrines -- canines, humans, or extraterrestrials? And where the hell did they find all those rocks?

If I go back tomorrow and there is a third shrine, I just might lose my shit.

I am Anti-rain

This week has been a wet one here in Oakland, and I have not enjoyed it. All you poodles or poodle owners know that rain is not a curly coated dog's friend. In fact, this weather is wreaking havoc on my curls. I'm constantly being dried off and when I'm not wearing that damn pack, I'm in my rain coat.

In addition to being wet or wearing a stupid rain coat, the sand that I use as my bathroom is a bepuddled mess. Seriously, I am afraid I'm going to drown when I'm taking a dump. Oh, and speaking of puddles, there aren't any that don't soak my feet up to my ankles, which is very cold to my shaved tootsies. I even feel bad for the humans who have continued to take me out for my daily walks despite the rain.

I have heard of people doing rain dances, but I propose that we do a dry dance. Okay, all together now . . . on the count of three . . . DANCE!

Dirty Spoo

Earlier this week, Tall once again took me to the Alameda dog park where I played my heart out. Although I had been several times last weekend, we hadn't gone early in the morning, so we didn't know how wet the beach-like sand was. But we soon learned.

I played like a crazy dog for half an hour and by the time we left, I was covered in sand. And I do mean covered. It was so bad, in fact, that the sand was intertwined with my corkscrew leg hair. I felt certain that Tall was going to have a heart attack.

After I completely coated the back seat of our car with sand, we returned home and Tall decided there was no other way to clean me off than to put me in the tub full of water to get the sand to fall off. Thankfully, I didn't get a bath, but I didn't enjoy standing in the water having sand rinsed off my legs. The entire process generated a huge mess.

It took Tall forever to dry me off and once she had, she still needed to clean the tub. I felt bad for her momentarily, but remembered standing in the water and my sympathy ended. And as a final touch, I puked up a bit of sandy spit to be cleaned up.

 

Sometimes being naughty does pay off.

Welcome to Hear Me Bark!

As I promised earlier this year, my blog got a major face lift — not unlike many of today's Hollywood stars. It also got a new name, Hear Me Bark, which I think better describes my overall goal — to be heard by everyone around the world. After all, I have a lot to say.

I wanted to debut the revamped blog on January 1 in the spirit of the new year, but excitement forced me to unveil it early. Oops! I need to thank my humans for making this happen. Short Human gets a special thanks for creating the kick-ass graphics. She drew the image of me from this photo taken at the beach. Is that talent or what?

In the new year, I plan to continue sharing stories from my crazy life with you as well as informative posts and product reviews about everything important to canines and their humans. I hope you'll continue to visit my blog daily — because I'll be posting a lot more — and share me with your friends. Trust me, there is enough of me to go around. I hope each and everyone of you has a safe and happy New Year. Peace and licks to all! 

Where's Dixie?

As many of you know, this weekend has been filled with packing and moving. So in the spirit of "Where's Waldo," take a look at this jam-packed photo and see if you can find me.

 

If you find me and can send a rescue party, perhaps I'll be able to resume blogging tomorrow.

My Seven-Night Vacation

During one of my typical eavesdropping sessions earlier this evening, I learned that my humans are leaving Tuesday for a seven-day trip to Orlando. I should have known something was up as I watched Tall parse out a week's worth of food into small zipper bag-thingies. This also explains why there is a bag of toys and treats — which I am not allowed near — on our dining room table.

Seven nights is a long time to be without my humans, but I'll be fine; it's the tall one that I'm worried about. I heard her tell Short that this will be the longest they've been away from me and that she is nervous about it. They both agreed that they'll miss me terribly. This is no surprise to me. I might actually miss them a little too; that is, when I have some down time from playing with my buddies at Wag.

"You put meat in my car?"

Several days ago, I accompanied Tall to the grocery store where I was relegated to wait in the car. I didn't mind though. Sometimes I watch passersby and sometimes I take a little nap; it's just fun to be out of the house.

This time, I was taking a light nap when I heard rustling and then a thud. I was amazed to see that a rather large rack of ribs packaged in Styrofoam and shrink-wrap sitting beside me on the seat. I looked out the slightly open window and saw a strange man (SM) peeking in. He saw me and looked both shocked and terrified.

Just then, Tall came walking up to the car in time to hear SM rambling: "This dog's about to get all up on my meat." I innocently sniffed the ribs and SM said, "Nah, Nah, don't eat my ribs!" Tall looked confused and agitated. Here's how their conversation went:

SM: "Is this your car?"
Tall: "Yes. Why?"
SM: "My ribs are in your car."
Tall: "What?"
SM: "My ribs are in your car."
Tall: "You put meat in my car?!" (She was mad.)
SM: "It was an accident. I thought your car was my car."

Tall clearly thought SM was playing an elaborate prank or wanted to rob her. She cautiously approached the back seat of the car opposite SM and looked in the back seat. Indeed, I was sitting beside a grocery bag of meat. A little more at ease, Tall unlocked the car and rescued the ribs from my side. SM seemed eternally grateful and exchanged pleasantries with Tall before joining his girlfriend, who magically appeared, in walking to their car.

I find it absurdly amusing that out of all the cars in the parking lot, SM was unfortunate (or stupid) enough to deposit his ribs in the only one with a dog in the back seat. Had I been given only a few more minutes, I would have polished off those ribs and smirked in SM's face.

A Poopy Joke

Being the kind of dog who enjoys a good practical joke, especially one at my humans' expense, I began plotting this morning upon I noticing that Tall's supply of poop bags attached to my leash was running low.

When we reached our destination — the park — I promptly assumed the "poop crouch" and dropped off a load. Knowing that Tall would use her last poop bag to clean up, I saved some for later.

We had an awesome game of fetch and after half an hour, Tall said it was time to go. As we began our walk home, I crouched to pee and gave Tall a scare when she realized she was out of bags. My plan was progressing nicely.

After a few blocks, I decided it was time to finish what I started earlier. I once again assumed the "poop crouch" and took care of business. Tall fumbled around, looking for something to use for picking up my poop. And as it always happens, passersby seemed to be watching to make sure Tall was abiding by the law.

Poor Tall grabbed some large leaves from the ground and began picking up my poop. Lucky for her, I made my deposit right beside one of the only trash cans on Sacramento's streets. The look on her face was priceless. And I didn't even get in trouble. What a wonderful way to start the day.

Howl-o-ween Help

I didn't celebrate Halloween last year, but this year will be different. Wag is hosting a Halloween all-day play event on October 31 and my space is already reserved. This should be a blast!

Costumes are "strongly encouraged" and, as much as I enjoy being a nudist, I suppose I should get in the spooky spirit. I'm batting around a few costume ideas, but would love your help.

Do you have any clever or cute costume suggestions? I'd love to hear them!